I no they do grow: but how do you?

• "My son does not understand when I tell him no. But how can you who are psychologist?”

• “…”

• "When something can not be done is not done, o no?”

• "Would you like a cup of coffee?”

When I compare between mothers and I are made of the claims, I tend to move the conversation, For my work or my studies do not make me a mom more acute than the other. In addition to, good coffee is good coffee, and there is no question ...

Speaking of "no", do an exercise, let's get in the shoes of our children, free the mind and:

• "DO NOT think of a pink dog!

• I told you not to think of a pink dog NO, NO and NO poi, and if you do not say is NO NO, clear?

• In short, just, I told you not to think of a pink dog, what happens?”.

It happens that we have thought of a dog rose. We did the same thing they do our children every time we tell them not to do something. In realtà, not "we have disobeyed", on the contrary, we are in perfect harmony with the activity of our brain that, moreover, it works fine. What emerges from this exercise is that you need to know: Our brain does not understand the no, is organized in such a way that does not include the denial. We adults are the fastest, understand when we do not have food to eat, drinking a beverage, stay away from danger or to comply with a prohibition as we experience, we have memory, we have come to know and, over time, we have become increasingly aware of what is happening around us. When, eg, say to a child "do not move", his brain registers "move" and "not", that is, two different messages that contradict each other. In other words, understands "come on". In più, often, are many situations with high emotional impact: the risk of the child getting hurt is real, the concern generated voltage, we get angry and raise our voices. In this way, creates an even greater confusion in the child's head, which is not in the condition to understand and act accordingly.

Between eight and twelve months, the children spoke the first words, but for some time now using all five senses to learn. Language development begins early and gradual: includes words, gestures, meanings, is a company passionate but not always easy. A child who wants to do it alone, that transgresses, that "foot down and not let go" is a vibrant and healthy child (unless there are no diagnosis of cognitive disorder or personality). The question is therefore tricky: how to pass rules and prohibitions that are understood and implemented as "no" and "not done" do not work (at least not always work!)? It appears that "they do not grow" lead to very few results, while effects have the best experiences "positive" of the ban.

According to experts developmental, because both positive and productive experience for a child - we are interested that our son / daughter does a certain thing!- is essential: pronounce the words properly understand why; communicate with peaceful tone to avoid creating tension; look at him to get his attention. For example, we think of when we learn a foreign language, a computer program or when we buy a cell phone and we have to understand how it works: we need clear instructions and a peaceful environment to focus and learn things. To explain to a child - especially if it has between twelve months and three or four years- one thing you should not do, is a difficult, and home, the park or the mall often become a gym wrestling!

I'm arranging a simple game, that requires a bit of creativity on my part and with my daughter, who is a year and a half, most of the time it works. When it's something that can not, if conditions permit me, I practice to make the ban "a positive experience". In practice, proibisco, place, the rules but do not use the words "no" and "no" - I remember that as a child I used to play the same way in which those who answered yes, no, lost black and white! In practice: when he wants to pick up the knife say: "That you can use to nine years'. Idem col caffè, screwdriver or anything I forgot to home; when you want to walk in the road: "Only the machines can go from here, people and children are on the sidewalk "; when one wants to touch a kitten that does not know or a child in the cradle: "Make a plan caress, very gently "; when he wants to get my cream: "This is Mother's Day and this is Lanna!”. Sometimes I will just describe what you want to touch: "The power of light has the holes are too small for your little fingers"; "The wheelbarrow is heavy"; "Porridge hot yet". It is not always easy, I often come out of the sentences really absurd! One time, after a day's work, outside the supermarket, full of bags, rain and with my little girl who did not want to get in the car I said: "Lanna gets wet hair", still do not understand why, but these words, while leaving it in disbelief, have borne fruit and entered into the machine.

I think it works the desire to communicate with my child in a simple and clear language and my desire to make them recognize the dangers, so that it can move freely in space using the things that meets in its path of growth.

Therefore, only rule of the game: Do not use "no" and "not" ... indeed we enter the game immediately: we use all the words except the unpronounceable ... that our brain is able to understand only to a certain point of existence.